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It was the day that we have all been looking forward too… The day my twin sister gets married… We’re finally even ready for the day after all the running around and last minute errands and some done at the 11^th hour. We had a team of friends and family that have been planning for the event.

Being the Maid of Honour, I wanted to give my all towards the wedding together with her 2 bride’s maid who are also my best girlfriends, Ode and Rupa whom I've known all my life. I guess we felt, or maybe I felt like I was giving her away and wanted it to be a perfect day for her. Collectively, we were in charged of a number of things and assisted in certain part of the planning together with others who were friends to the couple, Mohan and Vanessa.

On our side (‘maids to the bride’), as we went along and completed task by task required and requested by the bride and groom, we also had a long list of check list in order that we take best care of the bride, from sewing kit to the bride’s asthma pump to deodorant right up to extra shoes. Each maid had their own task and responsibility to look into.

So the day finally came and we were in her hotel suite to assist her and dress her up before we got ready ourselves. Then mum and dad, Ode’s parents who were sponsors to the couple and few family members and friends gathered in the suite to toast before the entourage left for church.

Daddy started out his toast by saying “Today, I am giving my daughter away…”, and then… that is when it all sunk in and I could feel heat in my eyes, I caught my breath and breathed in and looked away and managed to compose myself… The others were tearing or trying very hard not to tear… I never knew I would feel this way. I could see how it was so difficult for my father to come to terms that he was now no longer totally in charged of taking care of his little girl. A responsibility I came to realize especially at that moment that not only he did amazingly well but he was not ready to let go.

Even when he finally started his walk down the aisle with the bride, I could see he was beaming with pride until when he came closer to the end that he begin to look sad. Daddy was always a tough man, stricter when we were kids but mellowed down when he realized we could judge better on our own. The moment he embraced the groom, it all started to be emotional again and I tried my best not to tear as I was scared I might just ‘lose it’. He kissed the bride’s hand, I could feel the warmth and love, it was all so familiar to me. He then placed the bride’s hand gently on the groom’s hand who was already emotional himself. I reminded myself not to give in to my emotions as I might just cry like a baby and create a scene. The whole mass was light hearted and spiritual at the same time, I totally enjoyed it, it was unforgettable.

The dinner reception was also so special with the presence of family and friends who celebrated and enjoyed the night together. As I write this, I feel overwhelmed and I can’t believe the girl I was with right from the womb has grown into a woman and has opened a chapter of her own with someone else… with someone else. I feel just so selfless letting go but I have to and I’m so happy for her with all my heart. She will always be my twin and that, I know, no one can ever replace.

The Cup of Life

It's finally over!

The World Cup saw an octopus rise to fame and it was even being discussed the best way Paul the Octopus should be cooked and served. For many of us, we have never heard (yes, heard) what a vuvuzela is until the South Africa World Cup and I think somewhere along the way, we got used to the noisy instrument from Africa. China is probably already mass producing these vuvuzelas. The World Cup also brought us heart aches especially when we supported the "giant" teams and placed much confidence in them.

The elimination of France and Italy was just shocking, fans were ensured there were more surprises to come. You then have Brazil exiting the World cup which contributed to a few suicides around the world. I have been a supporter of Brazil for many World Cups and it broke my heart and put a hole in my pocket when they lost to Netherlands. It was worst when I watched the game with friends who were dying to see Brazil fall and they got what they wished for. I remember gripping the beer bottle so tight when Netherlands scored their second goal and everyone around me cheered while I was disappointed and flabbergasted.

You see, I had a few bets going on and the most lucrative one was a pair of Levi’s Jeans if Brazil were to win. Now, after Netherlands scored their winning goal, I was indebted to purchase Air Asia tickets for a return trip to Bangkok for a friend! I can’t believe I was talked into agreeing the terms of the bet. Bodoh, sial! My friend left for Bangkok within the week to catch the finals and had the audacity to gloat over his winning (again) before he boarded his flight. Damn! In the end, it’s not too bad since he insisted to get my Levi’s jeans after all… Ahh, I can’t complain now, can I?

Personally, I found many Argentinean fans annoying cos they could not shut up and in fact was with 2 Argentinean fans (one being the dude above) for the Germany vs Argentina game. It was just priceless to see their faces with the 4-0 defeat that I took the opportunity to gloat over their loss. Call me mean but I was treated the same way. Karma comes back and laughs back at your face, doesn’t it?

My brother in law, a German supporter is also one of those who enjoyed rubbing it in when our teams loss and although we watched the German vs Spain game separately, we received photos via MMS over his reaction towards the goals and defeat. I swear an elephant head could have easily entered his mouth. It was hilarious and to top it off, he had an ugly German themed hat on. Hahahaha…

It was terrible to wake up for the 2.30am game, go back to sleep and wake up for work but it was worth it to sit and watch with my dad. The maggi mee stock at home went down fast. Many of the earlier games, I caught it with friends over drinks and food and it was so much fun to be in each other’s company.

Although it was not easy for them, we finally see the Spaniards for the first time, take home the trophy and Oranje and its fans were left disappointed over the 3^rd defeat in Finals. The tears flowed; you could have a factory of orange juice out of it. That’s the name of the game… winning is indescribable and defeat is heart breaking, it’s probably the only time you could see a bunch of men with obvious healthy testosterone cry.

It’s another 4 years of wait and I’m looking forward to the next one to be hosted by Brazil. I still have faith in my favourite boys…

Twisted and Dark

Do you feel like running away from yourself?

You know what you are capable of... Some things that are destructive remains dormant and you can feel it slowly unleashing. You look around you... No one understands, life goes on for everyone. All this while, you had that voice around you but they are now just faint whispers you can't make out. There's a force that draws you to the edge, and after much resistance, you finally free fall into a sea so wide and dark. But, there's just something about it that's so seductively intriguing.

It's so seductive, it's scary...

Who am I? I don't remember anymore... But this is as honest as I can get and I'm not sorry.

Flip a Coin?

In recent months, I would say that one of the things I’ve learned to appreciate is people who know what they want, make up their mind and they stand firmly by it without being too rigid. It’s something I wished I had all the time.

Yes, there are decisions that require a little more thinking than others which is not what I’m referring to. For the lighter natured ones, dwelling on it too long and too much is just gonna cause more white hair which I recently found 3 of it on my head.

I recall a certain article on why women are not as good of a leader as men… It is because women are more emotional when it comes to decision making. Fair enough, I would say cos we all know as leaders, you are in a position where at times you have to be the bad guy and I’ve been there to know that and what it can cost. It’s also hurtful to hurt others sometimes. But that’s women in general, the weaker in physical strength and more emotional gender of the two.

Oh, but you also have the fickle minded people who can’t decide if they want to have KFC or Mc D’s in 5 minutes or they would switch their decision to MC D’s as they queue at the KFC counter only to decide to have Burger King while on the way to MC D’s. I relate well with food hence the example.

Perhaps it’s a habit or it is just their nature to be over analytical but maybe having people who are this thorough does help at times. It could annoy the impulsive natured humans but when they put out their rationale and more often very slowly, the impulsive human could save themselves from unwanted stupid decisions.

You also have people who are easily swayed when it comes to deciding on certain matters. Asking too many opinion sometimes complicate things and asking the wrong people for their opinion is even worst. It’s like asking a Muslim if they preferred Bak Kut Teh or Pork Chop.

The point of this article is to point out that decision making doesn’t have to be too hard sometimes. If you have to flip a coin to decide between Mc D’s and KFC for the sake of improving, then do it. Gradually and hopefully, you get better at it.

Feathers in the Wind

Thought of the day:

If there's one thing I can't stand, it is rumour mongers. It is people who find pleasure in completing half a story that they stumbled on based on their perception. It is even worst when they believe what they assume and start spreading it.

Before and After

It's been about 4 months since I kicked "the habit"... How is it different? For starters, without a doubt, I definitely feel healthier. I sleep better too. I think puffing that last stick before you sleep kind of reactivates the brains so it's still active when you're trying to fall asleep.

Next, according to various weighing scales (cos I couldn't believe it), I've put on 2 kg and now find my weight fluctuates between that additional 2kg to a 4kg (sometimes) which is pretty much fine by me. The people that see me often don't notice it but those who hardly see me, can tell the difference. I definitely can tell the difference by putting on my pants. Even though it's the same pair I'm wearing, the fit is different now.

What's bad that came out of it is the addiction to anything sweet. Coke, cakes, sweet, cookies, chocolates (especially) and any huge hint of presence of sugar has my mouth watering with crave. I don't know... I think it's a whole new addiction. I just went to the petrol station on the way out for lunch to draw out some cash and I passed by this amazing looking tub of cake that's meant to last a few days. I gave it a hard stare, picked it up and thought of the chocolate cookies I had this morning and put it down.

At about 4pm just now, my mind went back to that cake and I drove out to get it and sliced up some and ate about 4 pieces. To stop from continuing further, I distributed to some colleagues. It's that bad! Writing this, I'm realising even more it's THAT BAD. Good lord...

Besides sweet cravings, I enjoy my yoga and pilates classes and I find that exercising without smoking gives a new meaning to how I want to be healthy. I'm proud of actually spending time and effort in exercise. With yoga, it relaxes me and helps me sleep better that I don't feel like crap when I try to get up the next day.

Over this four months, things have changed for the better. The cravings are still there, it's probably why I eat to glory sometimes but I remind myself how far I've come to change that and how difficult it was and how I've made my family and friends proud. Mostly, I'm proud of myself that I've done this for me.

Now, to cut down on the sugar... I need help!

Phased Out

I am done with theories and I'm moving on to practicality...

Shining Dawn

It's never materialistic, it's never the few seconds a person takes to respond to a question, it's not the choice of words that's pleasing to the ear, it's no romance, chocolates or roses.

There's no 'how to', there's no perfect timing, it can never be thought or copied but it can be admired.

There's no way to brainwash that heart of gold.

Inhale, Exhale...

I finally decided to try out one of the classes available at the Exhale Studio nearby my office. Exhale Studio offers a number of programmes like Pilates, various types of yoga including yogalates (pretty sure it's yoga and pilates combined), jazzercise and aerobics.

The available class yesterday was pilates and I've never done it in my life or if I actually saw someone did it, I wouldn't know it was pilates. In my mind, I thought it was probably similar to yoga but maybe it had a distinctive feature about it. As I entered the studio, I was pretty impressed with the set up, nice lighting, very clean and the toilet had pebbled flooring. It had 3 classrooms with wooden panel flooring. I was greeted by the pilates instructor herself. Her name is Heike, probably a European and obviously she was toned and fit.

I got changed, took the exercise mat available and took my position. Heike asked if I had done pilates and I responded no. "Aha, what about any other exercises?" she asked. I told her that I've only done yoga while watching the DVD (more like downloaded) and I'm just merely following but my technique is not superb and it's difficult to comprehend exhale and inhale while watching, listening (since it's pirated, the sound quality wasn't too good), moving and trying to breathe the right way. She was happy with that little experience I had.

As we got started, she explained how yoga and pilates were different. Apparently, in yoga you inhale and exhale through your nose while pilates, you inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. I already learned something! So we got down to business and I'm not going to actually elaborate on the whole exercise but I found that pilates uses the strength of your abs very much and suitable for those who are looking to have a toned tummy. Although it doesn't look like some hard core, iron lifting fast moving exercise, it did require strength.

I pretty much enjoyed it and although I sweated, I also found it relaxing. Unlike capoeira, I didn't feel like my heart or my lungs was going to explode and I didn't complete class feeling like I was gonna collapse or I needed a break to have the strength to walk to my car and drive back. For a change I found it really pleasant and maybe it's time to slow down and find something relaxing. I personally feel that pilates doesn't require much stamina, it doesn't seem to be the focus. The plus point too is that I didn't have to go through a jam to get to class, yeay!

Anyway, I've decided to sign up for the 3 months package programme and I'm looking forward to the power yoga class this Saturday. I thought I'll try out the various yoga programme available and continue with pilates until I find one that I like most and focus more on that.

Honey to the B

The bee flies from flower to flower tasting it to see which of the many pretty ones he likes. He wants one that satisfies his taste buds. He doesn't realise that spring will end soon...

Pandora's Box

Ask when you can accept honest answers or be prepared to not be happy with what you hear. When you open Pandora's box, there's no turning back...

Hello and Goodbye

Lately I've been believing more in guardian angels and that they're God-sent people who seem to appear at the right moment. For instance, at certain times you just want to talk to a person in particular because they know your history and character so well that they'll be able to put things in perspective and help you make sense of a certain situation.

Funny thing is I've not been in good terms with that person for some time and we haven't spoken. We don't hate each other, the dust just needed to settle. I was pretty much wishing I could talk with this person and what do you know? The 'angel' called... within the hour to basically ask me "What's up?". Talk about express delivery from the man above. I had my prayers answered even though I didn't even pray. So really, it's one of the moments that I was grateful things happened at the right time.

Recently, I'm reminded yet again that life's too short when I found out that my classmate had passed away. He's the third person in my batch to pass away. A pretty quiet guy yet he's known to be the most good looking guy of our batch. No one seems aware of how he died and it's pretty mysterious. I guess life's too short and we need to sustain the relationship with the people who matter to us and don't waste away precious moments. Remind the people we love by telling them, eliminate what's bad, learn lessons well and live life the right way. We all know what's right.

Girls to Women

It's funny how years ago you're obligated to take sides over a feud. Even you don't say things to the other person, you keep a distant because of a certain loyalty you have for the other. As they say, "blood runs thicker than water".

Years later, you bump into each other. You're happy for her because you see her running after her kid looking happy and she looks at you and gives you a smile and you both know there's no grudges.

Everytime I Look At You

Nelson the Man!

I've given myself the time to 'grief' over quitting smoking. A tip for those who are ready to say TAK NAK is to allow yourself to be greedy and not feel bad about it. Give yourself that much of a credit at first. I compensated my withdrawal of nicotine to eating anything I wanted, whatever time I wanted even though it was Lent. Of course I knew I had to come out of that eventually but it was too important to be successful in my TAK NAK campaign. I don't see it as an excuse to skip my duty to Lent but it was something I needed to do for myself to get better without compromising it.

The feeling I have is so similar to the time when I had to quit my bantal busuk (smelly pillow) when I was about 4 or 5 years of age. Believe it or not, that bantal busuk was so apart of me that I can still remember how it smells (to me it's a fresh aroma), how it feels like in my hands. If you look at my kiddy photos, you can see that it stuck with me like a shadow. I didn't like it when my mum washed it cos it loses that whole smell and it would take some time before it reached my ideal smell. Disgusting right? I mean I still clung on to it despite it falling on the floor of the wet market. It was an addiction!

Back to TAK NAK... I have stopped sucking on sweets, I take sugar free gum, I'm learning to control my appetite by not eating too late or not eating that much at night, I've found some form of passion in jogs (weirdly) and I do my stomach crunches without being forced to do so like in the past even though not as much. A friend said, "Well, you stopped smoking cigarettes, you can always smoke other things now". It came with a naughty chuckle, if you know what I mean.

If you look at my TAK NAK! post, you can see that I had to also put a 'Quit Smoking' wallpaper to remind myself about my TAK NAK campaign. It was kind of embarrassing to have my boss and colleagues see that wallpaper when they came to my desk top to view some documents. Not that I give a damn but I thought I should change it to some other encouraging quotes. Check it out! I'm Loving the quote.

Mas Que Nada

Sometimes there's a nagging feeling that you feel but you don't confront it because you have your own reasons. Like a line from Don't Speak by No Doubt, it goes like "Don't tell me cos it hurts". Somehow you know the answer without asking but you just don't want to hear it from the horse's mouth and it's no assumption from your end.

Acceptance sometimes can save us from further hurt. Accepting the fact and not try to change it to the way you want it to be. Sometimes it think it's bad to do that.

It's a Better Day Than Yesterday

I attempted to change some things for the better. I was not too sure how I would do it but I decided to face it and make amendments. What's not right has to change but how do you approach it, is another question. You can't run away from it. So, don't run! Give it some thought and know that honesty matters.

By the end of it, I breathed a sigh of relief and I feel lighter because I'm sure I handled it the best way that I knew.

Today, is a better day than yesterday and tomorrow will be better.

TAK NAK!

This is what I have as my office desktop wallpaper...

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO HAVE A GOOD VIEW

At first instance I find it contradicting. The ciggie looks pretty tempting and you kind of look at it for sometime while it brings back memories. Then you focus on the words and it does scream loud and clear!

I guess subtlety works for me rather than looking at disgusting cancerous photos and tandoori looking babies.

My Johnny Beats

Someone posted on Facebook: "Listen to what your heart tells you , AND THEN STAB IT WITH A KNIFE!!"

(Note: Don't try this at home)

Another good friend blogged:

"Don’t trust your heart, it’s a very sexy looking bitch, ‘he’ will mislead you".

(The 2 quotes above were copied and pasted directly from source)

They are both men... a small added fact. Anyway, my point is, I can't agree more except don't literally stab your heart and that my heart looks like Johnny Depp and not a sexy bitch. The brains and the heart can at times be great enemies. I'm sure everyone's gotten into a mess for following their heart more than their brains. Yeah, I remember confronting a friend about some dilemma I had and she went like, "Val, listen to your heart"... Erm, yeah... She gave the wrong advice and I walked into a pile of mess. So, the classic advice is not always a good advice, note it seriously (like a heart attack). It's a horrible feeling isn't it? To not have the heart and brains be in good terms.

Maybe it's just instinct telling us the truth but sometimes you have to still listen to what your heart tells you. No, you have to listen to both, actually... at all times. You can't follow one of it all the time, not in the real world. At times you can afford to make mistakes and sometimes the consequences is too much and perhaps not worth it. So the next time anyone comes up to me and pours away their feelings about some complicated issue, I'll just have to be the wet blanket that doesn't tell them "Listen to you heart".

As Simon Cowell would say, "Boo me if you want to". In the end, it's your heart that breaks not your brains. So exercise your brains like it's the most important muscle

This is how my heart looks like... Freakin' gorgeous!

27

You'll never learn to become old and wise if you've never lived your life young and crazy.

I am getting a year older and here's just some things I've learned over the years (in no particular order, preference or whatsoever):

1. It's better to be honest between friends then to find out about the honest truth later through someone else.
2. Some things are a gamble, you take the leap of faith but be sure to know that it's a risk
3. Life's to short to hold grudges
4. Don't try to save a relationship that doesn't concern you. You don't want 2 set of fingers pointing back at you in the end.
5. Let someone be the judge of another, don't poison a person's mind even if it's the truth. If you have to, make sure it's worth it.
6. We all have different facets, some is active and some is dormant.
7. If you learned the hard way, make sure you learned it well otherwise you must be a masochist.
8. The honest truth darling... There's no such thing as a fairy tale love, so wake up!
9. Love is sometimes mistaken with a raging hormone... Or just a word for one's comfort that's taken for granted sometimes.
   
10. Never be ignorant of reality. It eventually hits you harder than it should
11. Give and take but not sacrifice too reluctantly. You will come to a day you feel you lost out and rebel.
12. When you meet someone half way, don't expect it to be a straight border. It's more one side at a certain aspect and more on the other side at a certain other aspect. Don't be rigid.
13. It's always better to be diplomatic then to be harsh the first time it happens
14. There are people whose condition is worst off than you. Stop sulking and be grateful for what you have.
    
15. Never under estimate a cockroach, they smell fear
16. Partners in crime (PIC)... Embrace the partner, avoid the crime
17. A good friend is not necessarily a good partner
18. It's PASSWORD not pass the word.
    
19. Lady's night liquor on a weekday? Tempting but not worth the headache the day after.
20. Don't control someone and let yourself be controlled by someone. Don't we all have a mind of our own? If it had to happen, then it's just not right.
    
21. You can't go wrong if your intentions are right. Please still use your brains and make sure it's legal.
22. The bad and impulsive things I used to do ain't fun anymore. It was irresponsible and foolish. But I don't regret it... Most of it.
23. It's important to have music on. At times it has to be the right one.
24. Exfoliating is so much fun. Experimenting body care products can be a fetish.
    
25. You come to an age where making excuses is just lame... Not cool! BUT, sometimes you have to.
26. Karma: Treat it like a religion, believe in it, abide by it...
27. Always be sensitive to an unfortunate person. You don't know how they feel, you are not in their shoes.
28. When you help someone, don't expect them to return favours.
29. If you've become a door mat, it's your fault. Change it...
30. Accept that some things are not worth fighting for. The faster you accept it, the faster you move on
31. Smoking: If you've never tried it, don't ever.
    
32. The stronger the peppermint is the better it is for your throat.
33. Puking in toilet bowls of clubs ain't fun... What was I thinking?
    
34. You can't wear white all the time and not spill on it.
35. Don't ever compromise your family's happiness
36. It's worth it to go the extra mile for a person who's worth that extra mile
37. Time management is an art and not many are artist of time
38. Sometimes words is much better than a hug, it is a huge hug by itself
39. Don't judge someone too soon, give them a chance and they might prove you wrong.
    
40. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Rich Dad Poor Dad

Time flies... I'll be 27 in half an hour!

Don't Look Back In Anger

I've been having weird dreams lately...

This time, it brought out my anger. I can't remember much but I remember lashing out at the people closest to me. They were in a circle and I said some things that would definitely hurt, I didn't hold back.

Next thing I knew, the alarm woke me up and I could still feel the anger. I don't remember what I said in my dream but I remember feeling my frustrations slipping away as I spoke without holding back.

Come to think of it, it was kind of therapeutic... I vented out my anger and frustration without hurting anyone's feelings. Just so it's clear, I'm not particularly angry at anyone. It's a dream and dreams exaggerates.

One Day At a Time

In order to distract myself and eventually be successful in my self-TAK NAK campaign, I thought one good way I could do is to blog and maybe writing about this might help me believe in myself and stay true to my promise.

I've always been worried of situations when I'm alone and I feel I need that one stick just for that time and then quit again. That feeling is very much present when you are a smoker itself. There's an excuse for every stick at first and then it's just a freaking habit. "I'm so stressed up, I need a stick", "I'm so sad, this calls for a stick". Eventually it'll be... "I have nothing better to do, I'll have a stick". "hahahahaah *and lights a stick*" It becomes a habit...

Temptation is so great at times... When you're at the mamak, when your stomach is full, when you club (Oh God, I've not come to that). You have no choice but to face it because you just have to. How else? It's so easy to snap and get irritated that I have to remind myself why I'm feeling that way.

I woke up at 4am with a hungry stomach. It was making too much noise, I had to wake up and eat, it's probably part and parcel of it. To distract myself and for my own good, I went to bed early (and tossed and turned). It was so out of character, my dad sent my sis to check if I was breathing... hahaha... I heard sis said "Yeah, she's breathing".

Right now, I crave for that stick cos everyday it's been that cup of coffee and that stick that starts my day but I have to push that thought aside. I trust I shall be able to that tomorrow morning too... One day at a time!

Inner Gangsta

Someone posted a line of lyrics of Gangsta's Paradise...

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there's not much left, coz I've been blastin and laughin so long, that even my mama thinks that my mind is gone...

Got me thinking that I really don't want to look back and regret. I've done stupid things that I would have slap me if I could but honestly I don't regret most of them. While some things were harmless, some of it we pay for the consequences for our actions or someone else pays for the consequences for our actions.

Live life with boundaries. Sometimes you have to think more than twice and treat Karma like a religion which means you have to believe and abide in it. The mistakes made? Learn, forgive yourself and move on. You'd do more good that way.

That's all I have to say before I get all emo and crap...

Hanging In There

It's not so bad after all but still bad at times...

The craving is still there definitely and I miss having to puff on something that I need to suck on sweets just so I do have something in my mouth. Sounds wrong? That's just how it is, literally. I've become blur at times that I tried to start the engine with the house keys and got people to repeat themselves cos I didn't catch it the first time. I guess, the mind is too distracted trying to fight the cravings... It'll get better, it will...

I can't postpone it anymore... I always thought I'm still young and have the time to stop and restore my body to default settings but it's about time I actually stop and not make excuses.

Thought of the Day

These things were running through my head this morning, I had to have it down in black and white.

The only thing I would enjoy killing is ADDICTION. I would love to bludgeon it to death.

The thought of being a slave to ADDICTION disgusts me yet I am a slave to it for too long. Am I not better than that?

I need to have more faith in myself... I'm afraid of failing

I don't want to look back and live with regrets. It's just a sad way to live life.

I need to take care of my health more. Concentrate on SEX - S-leep right, E-at right, X-cercise (I slept well last night).

I'm afraid of the withdrawal symptoms. Terrified to fall into it again...

I hate the word scared, terrified, afraid, cannot, no... Why? Cos it's something I can control and I shouldn't let it overcome me.

I would save a lot for not smoking.

I would have a better life without smoking, a better future, be a better mother (if I have kids). Come to think of it, everything is better without smoking. I would look better too!

Alcohol: I can live without it, I'm sure now I don't have problems with it but I'm not quitting. Having it once in a while with the right company is nice. Not to be abused.

I love my parents and they love me. They accept my imperfections, they put up with it yet they don't nag about it. They are such amazing people, I can't thank God enough for having them.

The only people that I never fail to pray for is my family and friends. I pray for their health, safety, happiness, career and for being a part of my life. I will continue to do so.

I'm not perfect, I can never be...

Damn!

I love you today, tomorrow you're trash
I love looking at you
I can't stand the sight of you next
You make me sick, you're a hangover

You're so painful, that I need Anesthetic
You make me nauseous like a food poisoning
You say I'm the one and then you take it back
Typically fickle, go eat a pickle!

Look what you've done!
I'm so wicked now
You've made me so lame
I've only got you to blame

I'm in so much pain but I laugh
I'm sorrowed, I have to tickle myself
I cry but I pretend it's dust
You have numbed me, I'm permanently cold

You hurt me bad and then you're sorry
And then I seem to deserve it?
Make up your mind *knock knock*
Do you have one?

You have a heart of gold, you do
At times you can't find your heart
You say sweet words
And then you curse

"Good night darling"
And then you ruin my morning
What are you?
A woman's hormone?

You're unpredictable
You're volatile
You're a true Gemini
You're confused!

You're two person
You hug me and stab my back
You're Jekyll and Hyde
No really... WHAT are you?

Here's a handshake
Here's a hug
Here's to a good life
Without you!

Sorry, I take it back
Nah, haha... I mean it!
I would like to make a toast
To my happy ending...

It's my blog
I write what I want
Call me what you want
Who are you again?

-THE END-

Note: The above is fictional and no pun intended specifically towards any man, woman, child, animal, creature or organism.

We should love one another!

Maid of Bridezilla

As a way of preparing myself for the honourable role of the Maid of Honour, I thought I would research more into it. You never know how you could be a much better help

Maid of Honor Duties and
Responsibilities

The maid of honor duties are perhaps the most demanding of anyone involved in the wedding - possibly with the exception of the blushing bride herself.

Being a maid of honor means, you are the bride's chief cohort, her number one assistant and best girlfriend.

To be part of the bridal party is a great honor and a high compliment, as only the elite are chosen to be part of the team. The maid of honor or matron of honor, is often a relative or close friend of the bride, she has to be dependable, because she helps in all facets of the wedding planning.

The Matron of Honor or Maid of Honor Duties

Maid of honor responsibilities

- She helps the bride pick her wedding dress.
- Pays for her own dress and accessories.
- Hosts the hen's night or bridal shower.
- Signs the Marriage Certificate.
- She carries the groom's ring.

The Wedding Ceremony

- Helps the bride with dressing and assists with the train,
- Assists with the bridal veil.
- Holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony.
- Carries an emergency kit with needle and thread.
- Carries extra nylons, a roll of tape etc...
- Holds a copy of any special prayers.
- Holds a copy of any readings for the ceremony.
- She stands by the bride at the altar.
- Supervises the bridesmaids.

At the reception

- She is seated at the table of hour with the bride and groom.
- During the reception, she mixes with the guests.
- Is photographed as part of the wedding party.
- She dances with the best man at the reception.
- She helps the bride with her train during bridal waltz.
- Helps the brides with train during photography.
- Gathers the single women for bouquet toss.
- Assists the bride in dressing for the honeymoon.
- Returning clothing items to the bride's home after the reception.
- May receive a shower gift and wedding gift from the bride.

No sweat... Not at all *wipes forehead*

Eric vs Erica

I was having a conversation with my mum and I said "It's grandma's year, year of the tiger" and mum goes like, "Shhh... she never admits she's a Tiger". Huh? So mum explained...

Apparently, in the olden days, if a Chinese man courts a woman who's born in the year of the tiger and finds that out, he would drop her. Tiger ladies were bad news. It's easy to understand the theory. So I said in a whisper, "It's probably why she married an Indian man then". I love my grandma and apparently the tiger and pig (my year) are like friends according to the Chinese astrology and a pig's biggest opposition party is the snake (animals are political too) but Grandma can be unreasonably superstitious or just unreasonably unreasonable.

She's a Hakka woman, known to be fierce and hardworking (I agree) and Hakka people are known to eat the animals we don't usually eat. Like dogs, monkeys and even elephant (yes, that big grey gigantic animal with a long nose). I know what I'm talking about. We do have Hakka-borned ancestry members in the family. Back to Grandma and her believes like women are second class gender, there's no way of rationalizing men and women as equal being. I could give so many examples which doesn't need her saying it out loud but I shall not.

While lunching with my female colleagues of the Indian and Chinese race, I brought this up and they seem to agree. They all have stories to tell, all of them. What a woman does for her mother (I'm not talking about my mum and I) seems to be less appreciated than what a man does less for his mother. My dad totally agrees, he has a sister and they are children of this grandma I'm gossiping about. Some things are obvious. After all, Grandma got disappointed when my mum gave birth to twin girls. She must have thought, "Can't at least one be a boy?" Her grandsons got presents when she visited but not her grand-daughters. I used to wait for my present when she was distributing them only to realise that she had finished distributing them. Then all the girls will just keep quiet. Looks like I just gave some examples.

Generally, I do think women are more of the jealous-traited gender out of the 2 (sorry ladies!) but I feel not when it comes to a mother's love or a father's love. Times have change, my generation suffer less of such believes cos people are more modern in their thinking. Sometimes, I wonder what would it be like if I had a brother? Hmm... My parents are pretty much not bothered about the typical Asian believes. Dad has learnt to accept that his daughter cuts nails at night and doesn't mind that she has a lot of black in her wardrobe although her Grandma did once. Maybe my sister and I would just be less visible to Grandma. Duh! Obviously.

In the generation I live in, it's pretty much called sexism. Anyway, I just thought... what could be worst than the Indian women in those days having to burn themselves together with their husband's dead body, a ritual called the Sati? We're human, not some meat to be barbecued. Then you have the honour killing of women among some community of the Middle Easterns because it's honourable for a father or brother to kill their daughter or sister when she dates in secret a man not of their choice and gets caught . These girls don't necesarily need to sleep with the men they're dating to be killed. How sad... I would have been killed a long time ago if living in such community.

The Chinese culture isn't so bad after all comparatively huh? At least we still get ang pows...

Readers Digest

S[he] be[lie]ve[d]

What do you make out of it?

Here's a conversation:

Guy: Thanks for the drink
Gal: Sure, you got the last one

A topic pursues... then...

Guy: Can I thank you for the drink?
Gal: (Hmmm....) You already thanked me...
Guy: Yeah, I want to do it in a different way
Gal: Hey, how's your girlfriend?
Guy: Come on...
Gal: No
Guy: Just a kiss
Gal: NO!

A topic pursues...

"She believed" and "He lied"... Some say "It's complicated"...

Booty-ful

I recently met up with a friend and we're just talking about the good ol times when he started complaining about his nieces. All I could think was the time I went to a party hosted by his family and my eyes almost popped out watching his 8 and 10 year old nieces dancing too sensually to a number. No girl I know would have danced that way. I mean we're talking about slow striptease moves *hands move from down to up... to... hair* kinda thing. To top it all, they had make up on.

I couldn't help but blame Beyonce for it. I looked away feeling rather uncomfortable while their mother looked not saying anything. In no way, am I in a position to judge one's parenting skill cos I am not a mother but... seriously... The elder girl is already 13 and my friend complains about how low her neckline is and how high her hemline is and he is disturbed by the fact that she and company dances or rather imitate Beyonce and that her (his niece) 13 year old friend tried to hit on him. It's pretty fair for him to be concerned.

I was borned under the Echo Boomers Generation or known as the MTV Generation and yeah, I remember watching a lot of Debbie Gibson, NKOTB and Michael Jackson and that dude Tommy Page. Now, the music of the same genre and its videos have become all so sexual and naked and it's very much idolised by young teen girls. I was a teenage girl, I know what is it like and why a girl idolises another female who's "all that". I remember wanting abs like the TLC girls after watching their video Creep but I also admired Gwen Stefani's originality as a woman when she was in No Doubt. I always loved funkiness, a little bit of grunge and never one to follow every trend that comes.

I grew out of idolising women in such way. I admit I wish to have more curves now like Beyonce or J.Lo but it's just a figure of speech, I just prefer to gain more weight since I'm underweight. But really, while idolising "hot" women, I 've also admired the elegant and classy women. Like? My dad's crush, Audrey Hepburn. Just look at her sing Moon River by the window in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Stunning! Even at an older age, she still had such grace, not botoxed, plasticised or enhanced or whatsoever... just herself. She always had a clean unscandaled reputation.

I've admired how my eldest cousin raised her kids and in particular how well behaved and full of character her 5 year old daughter is. I realised that a girl's self-esteem is so important for her not to be so caught up with the glamour world. I believe one who's confident and has a high self-esteem would not be too pressured in being someone else but themselves. She would think, "Beyonce is Beyonce and I am ME". So, I have made a mental note to work on my kid's self-esteem... when I have kids. Do you catch yourself doing mental notes like that?

A girl is always too skinny, too fat, too short too whatever. She's always highly critical of herself. But I think, it's so important to appreciate self-worth and focus on other appealing features as a person. If we found it so hard to realise that, let's not allow the same for the kids we're gonna have. They're never too young to educate. A girl's gotta know the right time she should start wearing make up. When she realises it's not make up that would make her feel pretty or good or better and that she can feel the same without it.

The classic saying goes... "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". It doesn't necessarily mean, good physical genes or how you could pop your booty. It's many things...

Ash Wednesday

It's ash Wednesday. Personally, I've got a lot to give up or "put on hold" if I choose to fast properly. Ode and I had a chat on the human instinct or perhaps better way to put it is the human weakness, one that's hard to abstain from cos it's human to want it. On the other hand there's vices OR doing things relatively over the top to the Lent season. I seem to fail at fasting that I thank God I was not a Muslim. I admire the Hindus and the Muslims for their regard to fast. I think I should even wipe off the dust on my bible and start reading it even. After all, I am a Catholic, proud to be one, pledged to die as one. Why not find out the worth of it?

Anyway, let's start with what's Ash Wednesday? An excerpt from Wikipedia:

In the Roman Catholic Church, Ash Wednesday is observed by fasting, abstinence from meat, and repentance—a day of contemplating one's transgressions.

The priest or minister says one of the following when applying the ashes:

Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.

—Genesis 3:19

Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel.

—Mark 1:15

Repent, and hear the good news.

—Mark 1:15

On Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, Roman Catholics between the ages of 18 and 59 are permitted to consume only one full meal, which may be supplemented by two smaller meals, which together should not equal the full meal. Some Roman Catholics will go beyond the minimum obligations demanded by the Church and undertake a complete fast or a bread and water fast. Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are also days of abstinence from meat (for those Catholics age 14 and over), as are all Fridays in Lent. Some Roman Catholics continue fasting during the whole of Lent,^{[citation needed]} as was the Church's traditional requirement,^{[citation needed]} concluding only after the celebration of the Easter Vigil.

The start of Lent is also a huge celebration of festivity in many countries like the Brazilian Carnival. An excerpt from Wikipedia:

The Carnival of Brazil, properly spelled "Carnaval" in Portuguese, is an annual festival in Brazil held forty days before Easter. On certain days of Lent, Roman Catholics and some other Christians traditionally abstained from the consumption of meat and poultry, hence the term "carnival," from carnelevare, "to remove (literally, "raise") meat."^[1] Carnival celebrations are believed to have roots in the pagan festival of Saturnalia, which, adapted to Christianity, became a farewell to bad things in a season of religious discipline to practice repentance and prepare for Christ's death and resurrection.

Carnival is the most famous holiday in Brazil and has become an event of huge proportions. The country stops completely for almost a week and festivities are intense, day and night, mainly in coastal cities. ^[2] The consumption of beer accounts for 80% of annual consumption and tourism receives 70% of annual visitors. The government distributes condoms and launches awareness campaigns at this time to prevent AIDS dissemination.

My friend Rodrigo from Brazil told me that they hardly sleep during this time cos they can't even sleep in the first place due to the noise and apparently according to my friend Brian, during this time, men get to just touch women freely and they wouldn't even mind. Hmmm...

I just went off track haven't I?

Stupid Cupid

Watching Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day got me feeling connected to a lil bit each of the characters. My favourite part was when it said "When you love someone, you gotta love the good and the bad about them". It totally hit a spot to a bull's eye. It was in the past that I was stupid enough to allow someone to take control of me as a person to a point that I didn't even know myself. I didn't know who I was supposed to be. I forgot how to feel many things... Does it make sense?

I blamed myself a lot, everything seemed to be my fault even though I couldn't rationalize it. It was at one point that my closest friends told me that for the longest time they did not recognize me anymore. At that very point, I wished they told me earlier, it would have saved me so much of the confusion I had. I remember telling them "Why didn't you tell me earlier, I wished you guys did". In fact, I was a little angry at them to be honest but would have I listened before? I doubt!

I learned that no one can make you feel low unless you allow it, no one is perfect even if you try to be a better person, it's just not human. I learned that if you feel something's not right with your friend, it might help a lot if you bring it up with them. It's OK to hurt them sometimes.

So what happened to that chapter? It ended after a long time and I got the apology I feel I deserved much to my amazement cos like I said, a friend should tell you when you're going off course and when you're right and wrong.

Tick Tock

I'm tired of waking up with regrets...

Please let this day past by fast. The coffee seems bad, the music hurts my head and a cigarette is just toxic. I want silence and darkness and the pounding on my head to stop...

You Jump, I'll Stay.

Friends and I were just chilling having our occasional teh tarik session and then the topic came around suicide. I cringed... The word never fails to make me feel uneasy. One of them was relating a story of a woman who is a wife and a mother and her 3 suicide attempts over a short span.

In my opinion, there are those who are genuinely suicidal due to extreme emotional problems or sickness. Kurt Cobain committed suicide at the time when he was suffering from Bipolar Disorder. An illness that makes you the happiest person at one time and makes you the lowest scum you can ever feel the next. It's really sad to have to go through that and we can never understand how bad it is.

But for someone who attempts suicide by jumping from the first floor knowing her husband was nearby like the woman in my friend's story? Come on! I was quick to say, "She should at least go to the 15th floor and do it properly without anyone knowing". Suicide is no laughing matter but when someone uses that as a weapon to black mail another then I have lost all respect for the suicider (if there is such a word). She after all did drink a little bit of Clorox at her third attempt which didn't require her to even go to the clinic for treatment. I was not the only one laughing at that. I don't think we're being cold-hearted here.

What happens next? In any similar case, the suicidee (if there's such a word) would end up hating the "suicidal" person for making him lose his peace of mind to the brink of insanity himself and try and coax her to stop again and again until he figures a way to best handle it. Eventually when he cannot handle it anymore because nothing seems right anyway, he would tell her "You know what? Do both of us a favour and kill yourself" and she won't (I can't guarantee it though) and you pray to God that she won't. It is the same experience a few people I know have encountered. We have known... alright, dated suiciders and we have been the suicidee and we share the same common feeling... Hate, traumatised, trapped, angry and suicidal ourselves and it's not easy to overcome the feeling. It haunts and scars and you get back that whole feeling all over again at times.

But, at the end of the day, one has to remind himself that life's too short to carry all this negativity and miss out on happiness. Not everyone are suiciders, of course. The suicidees have one similar trait most of them time... They go single for a long time (pun intended).

Last but not least, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Football Bloopers

Dreams vs Reality In a Day

Weird dreams in a day:

• Lifting your trousers and underneath it, is pretty hairy legs that put Persian rugs to shame
• Being chased by an Arowana
• Tsunami hitting your window and you're holding the window against the forces of the wave

Reality in a day:

• Waking up after finding hard to fall asleep
• Bumping into your ex you've not seen in 10 years
• Listening to suicidal attempts of someone that "looks so much like you"

Mestre Bimba

Manuel dos Reis Machado, commonly called Mestre Bimba (born November 23, 1899, Salvador, Brazil - February 5, 1974) was a mestre (a master practitioner) of the Afro-Brazilian martial art capoeira. He was the father of modern capoeira and was responsible of the birth of capoeira regional.

Bimba's academy rules

Bimba strongly believed capoeira had an extraordinary value as a self-defense martial art, hence his efforts to develop its learning in a structured and methodical way.

Bimba developed a capoeira teaching method with commandments, principles and traditions, which are still part of the capoeira regional up to this day. Some of his commandments are:

• To stop smoking and drinking since it interferes with the players' performance;
• To avoid demonstrating one's progression as a capoeira player outside the academy (the "surprise" factor is crucial);
• Avoid conversation during training, instead observe and learn from watching.
• Practice daily the basic fundamentals.
• Do not be afraid to come close to your opponent – the closer that you get, the more you will learn.
• Keep your body relaxed.
• It is better to get beat up in the roda than on the streets.
• Students must maintain good grades in school

Bimba also established his own capoeira principles as the basis for his capoeira teaching method:

• Gingar sempre (to keep oneself in constant movement when fighting); ginga is the capoeira basic movement;
• Esquivar sempre (to dodge away from the opponent's attacks);
• All movements must have a purpose (attack and corresponding defense movement);
• Preserve a constant fixed position on the ground (acrobatic jumps makes one vulnerable);
• Play according to the rhythm determined by the berimbau (capoeira musical instrument):
• Respect a player when he/she can no longer defend an attack movement;
• Protect the opponent's physical and moral integrity (during the practice, the stronger will protect the weaker player).

Consequently, Bimba created several traditions and rituals to support his methodology:

• A chair was used in order to train beginner students/players;
• The charanga is the capoeira orchestra, composed by a berimbau and two pandeiros;
• The singing (quadras e corridos), songs composed by Bimba to accompany the game;
• The batizado (baptism), the first time the student plays capoeira at the sound of berimbau.

The aspects that still makes capoeira regional unique is its method:

• Admission exam (physical test made with capoeira movements to identify students' abilities);
• The sequência (sequence) of the basic 17 capoeira attack and defence movements;
• Practice of the different rhythms of the game;
• Specific movements: traumatizing, projection, connected and unbalancing;
• Practice of cintura desprezada (second sequence practice by advanced students);
• Formatura (capoeira teacher graduation);
• Especialização and emboscada (specific advanced exams).

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manuel_dos_Reis_Machado

Song of a Piscean

One of the highlights of American Idol that I look forward to is the Idol Gives Back where the program uses star power to raise money for the impoverish African nation. My favourite performance was a duet of Celine Dion and Elvis Presley (in hologram) singing 'If I Can Dream'. The lyrics brings us to a different world.

There must be lights burning brighter somewhere
Got to be birds flying higher in a sky more blue
If I can dream of a better land
Where all my brothers walk hand in hand
Tell me why, oh why, oh why can't my dream come true
Oh why

There must be peace and understanding sometime
Strong winds of promise that will blow away
the doubt and fear
If I can dream of a warmer sun
Where hope keeps shining on everyone
Tell me why, oh why, oh why won't that sun appear

We're lost in a cloud
With too much rain
We're trapped in a world
That's troubled with pain
But as long as a man
Has the strength to dream
He can redeem his soul and fly

Deep in my heart there's a tremblin' question
Still I am sure that the answer, answer's gonna come somehow
Out there in the dark, there's a beckoning candle, yeah
And while I can think, while I can talk
While I can stand, while I can walk
While I can dream, please let my dream
Come true......right now

Lyrics by Elvis Presley

The recent devastation at Haiti brought me back to this song and I think Elvis is a Pisces at heart.

The Pisces is a true dreamer...

Quotes of the Past Few Days

While I waited for my hair to dry, I thought I would jot this down:

Ode’s dad: Is your team building this weekend held in Waikiki?
Mum: Good one Philip…
Parents having a blast when they meet…

Rafael: You must attack like a cobra, if you don’t know how, watch animal planet!
At capoeira class and that’s only a hint of sarcasm.

Suresh: How dare you meet me looking so unsexy?
Dude, it’s a mamak and selekeh is comfy.

Vanessa: You know the blowing ball…
Me: The what?
Meant to be bowling ball. Nominated for the sasul of the year and definitely gets my vote. A true Mrs Clown

Ode’s dad: Their 1am is 9pm
Mum: Yeah, I agree!
Again, parents’ having a blast but what’s weird is that your other culprit of friends laughs innocently at the statement.

Priest: We should thank them for serving cocktails outside the church
On the recent events of Molotov Cocktail throwing over the Allah issue.

John Doe: I know we just met you but would you like to come over my place for a drink?
Invitation declined… In a nice firm no way

Neighbour: Kucing you pagi tadi bersandiwara
Get a room Beng!

Grandma: Can you do that?
Referring to a smack down on WWE… I take it as a compliment!

Grandma: The Coke in can is much nicer than in the bottle
Looks like we have the same view… Many can’t tell the difference (My Coke only comes in a can)

Dad: It's your choice, do whatever that makes you happy...
I should have taken the opportunity to bring up about tattoo at this point

Good God!

In the light of the mini jihad that’s been happening today, a bunch of us we’re exchanging emails as if it was our full time job to talk about politics and religion. Those in the email loop we’re mostly Catholics and few Hindus and it is of the 2 religion that has been facing the latest religious persecution from ignorant and politically motivated parties.

My mind flashed back to the time I encountered personal attacks against my religion from my fellow classmates. I was 9 years of age, barely knowing what my faith and religion was all about but I knew it felt right to believe what I believed in at that time.

One of the things they would accuse me of is that I worshipped a statue. For that I would go to hell and what’s even more ridiculous is that they claimed that no matter how bad they were on earth, they would still go to heaven because they were in the right religion. To make things worst, they had the ustazah to confirm it because I was darn too stubborn to listen to their explanation. Being respectful that she (the ustazah) was an educator and an older person, I did not argue. Then of course when I got back to my seat, I still told them that I refused to believe.

I remember having won the inter-school spelling bee competition, I was given the chance to represent the school for the district level and a teacher said, “Orang kafir menang? (a non-believer won?)”. Unbelievable that I tolerated those discriminatory remarks but what could I have done? I was young and naïve and it is too bad that I was smarter.

I have grown to understand that my fellow classmates were just kids who didn’t fully understand their faith just as I at that time but up to today, I cannot believe (and I’ve even had the years to digest it) that the adults were teaching young minds the wrong things. How do you expect society today, to not be what they are from all those years of learning the wrong teachings?

You can’t teach old dog new tricks and from here we simply know that the root of the problem is that people have been led to believe wrongly and you can’t easily sway years of believe that ‘my God was someone who was shameless because He was naked on the cross!’ I do however appreciate and give credit to many other people who have chosen to open their minds against the ‘traditional’ teachings.

I don’t know what’s being thought these days but I do believe kids are smarter and we have people from the majority race fighting for us of minority race. They are also badly persecuted for their cause but it’s what we need and it’s one of the signs that it’s changing for the better. I’d hate to think my kid would have to go through discrimination as I did. It would be very sad to know that.

We can only hope… speak up, continue to have faith and respect other religion like it was ours.

“Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to serve, it is to think, it is to be humble.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

From Exvasure to Thingamajig

If I was a guitar, I would be a Gibson Flying V

If I was a car, I would be an Audi

If I was a gun, I would be a M24 Sniper

If I was a Transformer, I would be Jazz (He does capoeira, check out the way he intro himself in the first movie)

If I was an animal, I … A cat

If I was a Sunday morning cartoon, I would love to be Jam

If I was a movie, I’d be Wanted

If I was a band, I would be Guns N Roses

If I was a Football Team, I would be The Samba Boys

If I was a man, I’d be an underwear model

If I was a blog, I would be BlogSpot

Courtesy of Exvasure