It's a Better Day Than Yesterday

I attempted to change some things for the better. I was not too sure how I would do it but I decided to face it and make amendments. What's not right has to change but how do you approach it, is another question. You can't run away from it. So, don't run! Give it some thought and know that honesty matters.

By the end of it, I breathed a sigh of relief and I feel lighter because I'm sure I handled it the best way that I knew.

Today, is a better day than yesterday and tomorrow will be better.

TAK NAK!

This is what I have as my office desktop wallpaper...

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO HAVE A GOOD VIEW

At first instance I find it contradicting. The ciggie looks pretty tempting and you kind of look at it for sometime while it brings back memories. Then you focus on the words and it does scream loud and clear!

I guess subtlety works for me rather than looking at disgusting cancerous photos and tandoori looking babies.

My Johnny Beats

Someone posted on Facebook: "Listen to what your heart tells you , AND THEN STAB IT WITH A KNIFE!!"

(Note: Don't try this at home)

Another good friend blogged:

"Don’t trust your heart, it’s a very sexy looking bitch, ‘he’ will mislead you".

(The 2 quotes above were copied and pasted directly from source)

They are both men... a small added fact. Anyway, my point is, I can't agree more except don't literally stab your heart and that my heart looks like Johnny Depp and not a sexy bitch. The brains and the heart can at times be great enemies. I'm sure everyone's gotten into a mess for following their heart more than their brains. Yeah, I remember confronting a friend about some dilemma I had and she went like, "Val, listen to your heart"... Erm, yeah... She gave the wrong advice and I walked into a pile of mess. So, the classic advice is not always a good advice, note it seriously (like a heart attack). It's a horrible feeling isn't it? To not have the heart and brains be in good terms.

Maybe it's just instinct telling us the truth but sometimes you have to still listen to what your heart tells you. No, you have to listen to both, actually... at all times. You can't follow one of it all the time, not in the real world. At times you can afford to make mistakes and sometimes the consequences is too much and perhaps not worth it. So the next time anyone comes up to me and pours away their feelings about some complicated issue, I'll just have to be the wet blanket that doesn't tell them "Listen to you heart".

As Simon Cowell would say, "Boo me if you want to". In the end, it's your heart that breaks not your brains. So exercise your brains like it's the most important muscle

This is how my heart looks like... Freakin' gorgeous!

27

You'll never learn to become old and wise if you've never lived your life young and crazy.

I am getting a year older and here's just some things I've learned over the years (in no particular order, preference or whatsoever):

1. It's better to be honest between friends then to find out about the honest truth later through someone else.
2. Some things are a gamble, you take the leap of faith but be sure to know that it's a risk
3. Life's to short to hold grudges
4. Don't try to save a relationship that doesn't concern you. You don't want 2 set of fingers pointing back at you in the end.
5. Let someone be the judge of another, don't poison a person's mind even if it's the truth. If you have to, make sure it's worth it.
6. We all have different facets, some is active and some is dormant.
7. If you learned the hard way, make sure you learned it well otherwise you must be a masochist.
8. The honest truth darling... There's no such thing as a fairy tale love, so wake up!
9. Love is sometimes mistaken with a raging hormone... Or just a word for one's comfort that's taken for granted sometimes.
   
10. Never be ignorant of reality. It eventually hits you harder than it should
11. Give and take but not sacrifice too reluctantly. You will come to a day you feel you lost out and rebel.
12. When you meet someone half way, don't expect it to be a straight border. It's more one side at a certain aspect and more on the other side at a certain other aspect. Don't be rigid.
13. It's always better to be diplomatic then to be harsh the first time it happens
14. There are people whose condition is worst off than you. Stop sulking and be grateful for what you have.
    
15. Never under estimate a cockroach, they smell fear
16. Partners in crime (PIC)... Embrace the partner, avoid the crime
17. A good friend is not necessarily a good partner
18. It's PASSWORD not pass the word.
    
19. Lady's night liquor on a weekday? Tempting but not worth the headache the day after.
20. Don't control someone and let yourself be controlled by someone. Don't we all have a mind of our own? If it had to happen, then it's just not right.
    
21. You can't go wrong if your intentions are right. Please still use your brains and make sure it's legal.
22. The bad and impulsive things I used to do ain't fun anymore. It was irresponsible and foolish. But I don't regret it... Most of it.
23. It's important to have music on. At times it has to be the right one.
24. Exfoliating is so much fun. Experimenting body care products can be a fetish.
    
25. You come to an age where making excuses is just lame... Not cool! BUT, sometimes you have to.
26. Karma: Treat it like a religion, believe in it, abide by it...
27. Always be sensitive to an unfortunate person. You don't know how they feel, you are not in their shoes.
28. When you help someone, don't expect them to return favours.
29. If you've become a door mat, it's your fault. Change it...
30. Accept that some things are not worth fighting for. The faster you accept it, the faster you move on
31. Smoking: If you've never tried it, don't ever.
    
32. The stronger the peppermint is the better it is for your throat.
33. Puking in toilet bowls of clubs ain't fun... What was I thinking?
    
34. You can't wear white all the time and not spill on it.
35. Don't ever compromise your family's happiness
36. It's worth it to go the extra mile for a person who's worth that extra mile
37. Time management is an art and not many are artist of time
38. Sometimes words is much better than a hug, it is a huge hug by itself
39. Don't judge someone too soon, give them a chance and they might prove you wrong.
    
40. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Rich Dad Poor Dad

Time flies... I'll be 27 in half an hour!

Don't Look Back In Anger

I've been having weird dreams lately...

This time, it brought out my anger. I can't remember much but I remember lashing out at the people closest to me. They were in a circle and I said some things that would definitely hurt, I didn't hold back.

Next thing I knew, the alarm woke me up and I could still feel the anger. I don't remember what I said in my dream but I remember feeling my frustrations slipping away as I spoke without holding back.

Come to think of it, it was kind of therapeutic... I vented out my anger and frustration without hurting anyone's feelings. Just so it's clear, I'm not particularly angry at anyone. It's a dream and dreams exaggerates.

One Day At a Time

In order to distract myself and eventually be successful in my self-TAK NAK campaign, I thought one good way I could do is to blog and maybe writing about this might help me believe in myself and stay true to my promise.

I've always been worried of situations when I'm alone and I feel I need that one stick just for that time and then quit again. That feeling is very much present when you are a smoker itself. There's an excuse for every stick at first and then it's just a freaking habit. "I'm so stressed up, I need a stick", "I'm so sad, this calls for a stick". Eventually it'll be... "I have nothing better to do, I'll have a stick". "hahahahaah *and lights a stick*" It becomes a habit...

Temptation is so great at times... When you're at the mamak, when your stomach is full, when you club (Oh God, I've not come to that). You have no choice but to face it because you just have to. How else? It's so easy to snap and get irritated that I have to remind myself why I'm feeling that way.

I woke up at 4am with a hungry stomach. It was making too much noise, I had to wake up and eat, it's probably part and parcel of it. To distract myself and for my own good, I went to bed early (and tossed and turned). It was so out of character, my dad sent my sis to check if I was breathing... hahaha... I heard sis said "Yeah, she's breathing".

Right now, I crave for that stick cos everyday it's been that cup of coffee and that stick that starts my day but I have to push that thought aside. I trust I shall be able to that tomorrow morning too... One day at a time!

Inner Gangsta

Someone posted a line of lyrics of Gangsta's Paradise...

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there's not much left, coz I've been blastin and laughin so long, that even my mama thinks that my mind is gone...

Got me thinking that I really don't want to look back and regret. I've done stupid things that I would have slap me if I could but honestly I don't regret most of them. While some things were harmless, some of it we pay for the consequences for our actions or someone else pays for the consequences for our actions.

Live life with boundaries. Sometimes you have to think more than twice and treat Karma like a religion which means you have to believe and abide in it. The mistakes made? Learn, forgive yourself and move on. You'd do more good that way.

That's all I have to say before I get all emo and crap...

Hanging In There

It's not so bad after all but still bad at times...

The craving is still there definitely and I miss having to puff on something that I need to suck on sweets just so I do have something in my mouth. Sounds wrong? That's just how it is, literally. I've become blur at times that I tried to start the engine with the house keys and got people to repeat themselves cos I didn't catch it the first time. I guess, the mind is too distracted trying to fight the cravings... It'll get better, it will...

I can't postpone it anymore... I always thought I'm still young and have the time to stop and restore my body to default settings but it's about time I actually stop and not make excuses.

Thought of the Day

These things were running through my head this morning, I had to have it down in black and white.

The only thing I would enjoy killing is ADDICTION. I would love to bludgeon it to death.

The thought of being a slave to ADDICTION disgusts me yet I am a slave to it for too long. Am I not better than that?

I need to have more faith in myself... I'm afraid of failing

I don't want to look back and live with regrets. It's just a sad way to live life.

I need to take care of my health more. Concentrate on SEX - S-leep right, E-at right, X-cercise (I slept well last night).

I'm afraid of the withdrawal symptoms. Terrified to fall into it again...

I hate the word scared, terrified, afraid, cannot, no... Why? Cos it's something I can control and I shouldn't let it overcome me.

I would save a lot for not smoking.

I would have a better life without smoking, a better future, be a better mother (if I have kids). Come to think of it, everything is better without smoking. I would look better too!

Alcohol: I can live without it, I'm sure now I don't have problems with it but I'm not quitting. Having it once in a while with the right company is nice. Not to be abused.

I love my parents and they love me. They accept my imperfections, they put up with it yet they don't nag about it. They are such amazing people, I can't thank God enough for having them.

The only people that I never fail to pray for is my family and friends. I pray for their health, safety, happiness, career and for being a part of my life. I will continue to do so.

I'm not perfect, I can never be...